Friday, November 18, 2011

The Service Here Is Great!

I've noticed more and more that Mr. E. Maus wants to hand me more control. Initially this looks like it's just in the bedroom, which is great I'm having a lot of fun with it but where I'm having some trouble is in relinquishing my control of myself. On school days that he's spent the night, he'll offer up "is there anything I can do for you" and usually I come back with, 'if you can fix my hair and brush my teeth for me that'd be great', forgetting to consider that he could make me breakfast.  Later in the car on the way to school, when I report that I'm super hungry he declares that he could have whipped something up for me if I let him.  There have also been offers to fold my laundry - he doesn't live with me, folding my laundry, which doesn't include his laundry is silly (although I would totally do his laundry), he'll fix stuff in my house, bring in the recycling and yard-waste containers, if I asked I bet he'd do any number of things around the house. I'm a little uncomfortable with relinquishing this sense of control in my own life. Perhaps because it's a little out of control and I'm working really hard just to manage looking like I have my shit together.  Letting go of some tasks seems like I would be taking advantage of him, or in the words of an ex, playing him for a sucker. I don't want that. I don't want that at all. There is of course no harm in letting him fold my clothes or handle the garbage bins but the man has three jobs; when I get to spend time with him he's already tired and worn out, seeing him take care of junk around my house makes me uncomfortable.

It could be argued that I'm taking care of him in a way that he is incapable of handling himself. He's handed me the keys to his chastity device essentially handing ownership of his cock over to me; he says it is mine. He's given me final say as to when he can orgasm, I take great joy from teasing the crap out of him as often as possible and, I'm learning to edge him which has been great fun. He has asked me to use him to pleasure myself when I feel like it which is a little harder to do because I feel like I'm pressing myself on him when he doesn't seem to be in the mood to play. This creates a conflict in me. Does he want me to tease/fuck him or not? Am I making him do something he doesn't want to do? If the tables were turned I'd be really bothered by the scenario, but he says part of the fun for him is to be yanked out of his head by the unknown.

I should say there are tasks I'm perfectly comfortable handing over to him, this weekend I had him add attachment points to my bed, it's totally his job to shave my nether regions, as well, I've asked him to participate in a conversation of images, (over on tumblr), illuminating his kinks for me, I post response images to demonstrate I grok his statement.

I think my interim solution is to make a transitional honey-do list that is relationship centric and not household related. Why waste that energy on repairs when I'm horny as hell? 

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