Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Mr. Maus is getting cagey

When Mr. Maus and I parted last Saturday he said something about lifting my luggage Tuesday, I was pretty stoked about that honestly. Frankly I needed some attention right then but had a big pile of homework to get to and he had a lot of work to get done on his house. Tuesday has come and gone. He had proposed a reasonable postponement, a delay I can't see fault in but he did not suggest an alternative. In the last few days he's mentioned that he's eager to be let out of his cage and, stretch out a bit while attending to my needs. Apparently not eager enough to make it happen though. It looks like  it'll be our regular Saturday before we see each other again. That'll be two weeks without much more than a friendly grope. 

I sometimes use our late night chat session as an opportunity to tease him, we swap video links, images and type through scenes, it's great fun as I know he's squirming on the other end.   Last night while we were chatting he sent me a couple of pictures of my cock smooshing out of it's cage. (If I knew how to get them off of my phone I'd share them with you (maybe Mr. Maus can do that for me)). My poor cock! I was instantly compelled to want lick the flesh ballooning through the holes of his CB3K, to kiss my cock to make it feel better. He said that if I got anywhere near him with my tongue he's probably faint. My reaction to that is a desire to train him. With an ice pack! To test his boundaries farther (yes farther). To milk him dry without releasing my cock from it's cage. Once he's been drained then maybe I'll remove the chastity device to torture him wantonly. I have needs. 

He seems hesitant. It seems Mr. Maus might be stringing us along with some denial of his own. He continues to drop hints about extending his stay in his cage. A day here, a couple extra days there, and last night he planted the idea of an accidental emission...
If he has an accidental emission during teasing he will begin the previously determined locked period (by the last dice roll) again, thereby extending his release date. 
Mr. Maus is toying with extending his stay in his cage by another 22 days.  

I'm on to you Mr. Maus. I'm on to you. I'm driving this train babe. You gave me the keys and the control. I decide how much you are to endure, when you cum and how long you'll be locked. 

Monday, November 28, 2011

How Long Ago Was That?

Eight days? It's only been a whisker past a week since Mr. Maus gave me an orgasm and I'm crazy horny. Unfortunately it'll be a couple more days until we see each other again.

As I said in my last post we have spent quite a lot of time together in the last week, the most since we took a trip together at the end of summer (that was two weeks of cabana boy service bliss). But we've been kind of in our own heads with our responsibilities, we had some really nice down time together doing stuff we never get to do like hang out on the couch watching an actual television set and, soaking in a jacuzzi with cocktails talking about art. It was nice that our only focus wasn't sex - I'm usually the driving force behind initiating sex and, oddly I wasn't in the mood to use him, kinda rare.

When I latched onto playing the male chastity game with Mr. Maus I silently vowed to myself that I would cease my own masturbation during the times that we were apart (unless it was to ease cramps or a migraine). Prior to telling him to lock we'd had three weeks of ruined orgasms. This may be fine in his world of kink, but in mine I found it incredibly frustrating, for all the work I was doing to tease, edge,  peg and, play I found that I did have an expectation to be treated to an orgasm. I'm kicking down way more than dinner here!  Denial was not a game I'd been playing and had not considered applying to myself.  I was a little pissed off actually. In the better interest of checking my attitude, I told Mr. Maus to lock and then quietly decided that I would not masturbate or orgasm without him present. I was interested in experimenting with abstaining to see if it made a difference in my own levels of pleasure. I delight in how completely wracked with ecstasy he gets when I play with him. I'm envious of the body state of pleasure he gets into, it's amazing and beautiful to see and feel his body convulse under the anticipation of my touch.  Could I achieve this ecstatic state if I just held off a little?  

Mr. Maus had expressed that he wouldn't be satisfied if I didn't have big obvious orgasms. I tried to convince him that I was indeed having small orgasms, many of them, (prior to the weeks of ruined/denied orgasms just described). He wasn't having it, he expressed a certain pride in rocking my world.  This though, left a lot for me to communicate while in the throws of his awesome touch.  Moreover I'm a heavy vibrator user, shifting gears in my head and body to get off manually was proving to tricky territory, even if it was at the hands of my most desired lover. I assure him that practice and time would lead us to mutual satisfaction. With Mr. Maus locked I knew I'd have his attention to detail; he needs to learn to read me.  

Being the woman I am, a more visual communicator than talker, I set to the world wide web looking for resources I could share with him to express what would very likely give him the results he was looking for. I started with female ejaculation and went from there. I used to have a book on this but it was stolen out of my car (along with a book on buddhism, I hope she's found her bliss). This internet thing is good for learning the street names of actions which can sound so clinical. Squirting was far more revealing than female ejaculation let me tell you, but I found that I was more interested in the tantric massage aspect of this parlor trick. I can make myself squirt but that's not what we're trying to do here. I found a couple of videos that demonstrated the desired results, one from a guy wearing a tasteless shirt and another from a womanizing ass. Womanizing ass and tasteless shirts or not these guys  apparently know what they're doing!

With the videos sent, watched and discussed.  I'd been sitting on my mitts for a week not masturbating (A WHOLE WEEK!), by the time Mr Maus and I got to see each other we were pretty worked up. He'd been locked for a week or so and would be locked for another few days. Some epic teasing was in his immediate future but  only after he shaved me and practiced his newly lessons. My first week of not masturbating (again, after weeks of ruined/denied orgasms), to have him manage my orgasm, to lift my luggage, was fucking mind blowing! I may have gotten close to feeling what he feels. Maybe. I was utterly surprised by how intense the experience was.

Two weeks ago I had an agonizing migraine, instead of our usual late night chat sessions we talked on the phone (which was absolutely lovely, we could stand to do that more often), during that conversation I used a vibrator to force an orgasm in an effort to ease my headache (it didn't help much) and it kind of felt like I was cheating.  No. I really felt like I was cheating, even though we were on the phone talking, it wasn't quite a shared experience. Later in the conversation it became clear he was unaware that I had already performed my therapeutic treatment. I wasn't trying to be sneaky but that's what if felt like after the fact. 

Mr. Maus reminds me that my decision to orgasm or not is absolutely up to me, but he has stated that he likes that I'm playing along with him.  I am continuing to practice abstinence from masturbating, but man it's tough sometimes. He's so hot, just thinking about him revs me up.  It's safe to say that I'm on a self enforced honor system of chastity that parallels Mr. Maus's locked experience.  If we could find or make a suitable daily wear device I'd definitely use it, cuz I probably need it.

All of that to say,
My luggage needs lifting!
Oh man.
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Sunday, November 27, 2011

My Lover's Cock

I thoroughly and lovingly washed my lover's cock today. That is to say the cock that belongs to my lover. Or to put it another way, the cock which is attached to my body which is the property of my lover and is encased in a hard plastic cage was washed as well as could be achieved today. But although it was washed lovingly, it was not allowable to get excited enough for orgasm. No! That is still more than two weeks away...if I'm good and my lover lets me. My lover's cock should be kept presentable so that when she decides to use it it's in tip top shape. She deserves the greatest upkeep. Along with the loving cleansing, there was also a thorough shaving. My lover likes a soft smooth body to touch against hers when she is driving her strap on cock into my soft sissy behind.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

His Clinking Tag Make Me Smile

Not a very exciting update. This week has been kind of mellow. By far the least hot-and-heavy-horny-OMG-were-is-your-cock week we've had in a very long time. I think this is as a result of a couple things, one Mr. Maus was experiencing some discomfort with his CB3K and we've been spending more time than usual together.

When I locked Mr. Maus earlier this week he switched to a smaller ring with his CB3k, since then he had been a little complainy about experiencing pain with the newly fitted ring that was a notch or four  above the expected discomfort of wearing a chastity device. He wanted to give it a few days to see if his junk would settle into be comfortable with it, but as I witnessed his discomfort I unlocked him the other night so he could switch the ring back to a more comfortable one.  He's much less complainy (not complainy at all actually) and in a better mood now.  I'm not into sustained pain that isn't directly related to active play time - I've sustained enough of my own injuries to know that actual lingering pain sucks donkey balls and that is not the kind of pain I want to inflict upon anybody, that's just not how I roll.

The other day I put an ownership tag on his lock, a heart shaped tag that's about the same color as my hair (a silly color), with my name engraved on it. I've quite enjoyed hearing the tag and lock tinkle/clink together as he moves about. Every time I hear it I'm reminded that he has given himself over to me and it makes me beam with joy and bliss. I'm very much in love with Mr. Maus, the clink is a tiny bit of assurance that adds to my contentedness <insert goofy smiley face>.

Recently we talked about what we wanted to get out of the experience of blogging together.  For me it's a place that I can talk about an aspect of my life that I can't really discuss on my regular blog without  outting the both of us. I don't mind outting myself on any topic - I was born waving a freak flag and I hold myself accountable for the most deplorable behaviors, but I'm still working out how to introduce my regular readership to my new freakier than me partner and, or introduce them to the territory we're venturing into. Together we're exploring some intimate space that may not be appropriate to work out with people we socialize, live, camp and work with. We're both hetero-queer (this is nothing new to either of our pools of friends) but the finer aggregates if our kinks, body images, gender and sexual identities are areas of exploration that are frankly none of their business just yet. It'll be unavoidable eventually but for now we have this free place to express ourselves without direct association - a place to try on the outting conversations, let them wash over us, get used to the idea of sharing the intimate workings of our well protected dark spots.

We've been considering stretching our legs to write more lascivious material. Mr. Maus expressed an interest in exploring fantasy writing. I'm probably more inclined to tell it like it is than express my imagination (real life is weird enough). We'll see how this develops, this is a new blog and a new experience for both of us. Anonymity is liberating, but takes a little getting used to =)  However for the next few weeks our blogging will likely be slow or, short or, uneventful as Mr. Maus is finishing up a physical project and moving house, and I'm heading into final projects at school. Denial by being too busy to play. That's some harsh denial! We're both suffering.

Perchaps we'll use the next few busy weeks to introduce ourselves to you. We're real, weird but not really weird.

Monday, November 21, 2011

The second roll of the dice

A 22! Twenty two days! And a smaller ring for the cage too! I hope the adjustment period is short for this smaller ring. Only of an eighth inch smaller and I can definitely feel the difference. It is distracting to say the least. A tighter grip that is nearly painful and increases the pressure for more frequent and longer duration erections--well more like trapped swellings. 22 days! In the inimitable words of Exene and Johnny D, "I must not think bad thoughts!" I know it is taken out of context from the song, but I must not think sexy thoughts! Or the swelling begins.

Dice Roll 11/21/11

Mr. E. Maus just rolled a 22, December 12th will be his next scheduled orgasm. But I have a major research paper due on the 13th. The conundrum. The Mister has offered to wait a day in the better interest of science. He specifically said, "At that point what's one more day?" to which I quietly laughed (on the inside where it counts) considering how whimpery he got when he rolled a 22.

He initially rolled a 5 by the way, and elected to add a couple more variables and roll again, (when he got 22 I laughed, quietly, on the inside where it counts). 

Friday, November 18, 2011

The Service Here Is Great!

I've noticed more and more that Mr. E. Maus wants to hand me more control. Initially this looks like it's just in the bedroom, which is great I'm having a lot of fun with it but where I'm having some trouble is in relinquishing my control of myself. On school days that he's spent the night, he'll offer up "is there anything I can do for you" and usually I come back with, 'if you can fix my hair and brush my teeth for me that'd be great', forgetting to consider that he could make me breakfast.  Later in the car on the way to school, when I report that I'm super hungry he declares that he could have whipped something up for me if I let him.  There have also been offers to fold my laundry - he doesn't live with me, folding my laundry, which doesn't include his laundry is silly (although I would totally do his laundry), he'll fix stuff in my house, bring in the recycling and yard-waste containers, if I asked I bet he'd do any number of things around the house. I'm a little uncomfortable with relinquishing this sense of control in my own life. Perhaps because it's a little out of control and I'm working really hard just to manage looking like I have my shit together.  Letting go of some tasks seems like I would be taking advantage of him, or in the words of an ex, playing him for a sucker. I don't want that. I don't want that at all. There is of course no harm in letting him fold my clothes or handle the garbage bins but the man has three jobs; when I get to spend time with him he's already tired and worn out, seeing him take care of junk around my house makes me uncomfortable.

It could be argued that I'm taking care of him in a way that he is incapable of handling himself. He's handed me the keys to his chastity device essentially handing ownership of his cock over to me; he says it is mine. He's given me final say as to when he can orgasm, I take great joy from teasing the crap out of him as often as possible and, I'm learning to edge him which has been great fun. He has asked me to use him to pleasure myself when I feel like it which is a little harder to do because I feel like I'm pressing myself on him when he doesn't seem to be in the mood to play. This creates a conflict in me. Does he want me to tease/fuck him or not? Am I making him do something he doesn't want to do? If the tables were turned I'd be really bothered by the scenario, but he says part of the fun for him is to be yanked out of his head by the unknown.

I should say there are tasks I'm perfectly comfortable handing over to him, this weekend I had him add attachment points to my bed, it's totally his job to shave my nether regions, as well, I've asked him to participate in a conversation of images, (over on tumblr), illuminating his kinks for me, I post response images to demonstrate I grok his statement.

I think my interim solution is to make a transitional honey-do list that is relationship centric and not household related. Why waste that energy on repairs when I'm horny as hell? 

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

The Keyholder Rolls The Dice

The Mauses practice male chastity as part of our relationship. We are not married and don't live together, and due to our busy schedules with work and school we tend to see each other for less than 24 hours once a week if that; typically Saturday night through Sunday afternoon. During the week we communicate via chats, sharing images and stories with each other. Mr. E. Maus has been interested in and practicing chastity as an aspect of play long before I came into the picture. 

We've known each other for almost eight months (as of this writing) and renegotiated the terms of our relationship only a three months ago when I asked him to decide whether he wanted a relationship with me or not. I stated that he was fucking with my emotions stringing me along and asked that we talk about his red flags. At that time he said had been holding off concerned that I wasn't kinky enough. I corrected him by stating that he'd never asked, my kinks aren't something I wear on my sleeve like most of the people in our community and that I don't really think of my kinks as "kinky" per se, but proclivities.

Mr. E. Maus came to the table asserting chastity as something fun to do along with objectification, forced feminization, mummification and a few other things, some much more extreme than others. When he gave me the keys to his cage I was a little shocked but understood the implication of the offering to a limited extent. Being unfamiliar with many of his kinks, I have spent a couple of months pulling at threads trying to wrap my head around how to best work with his desires to both of our satisfaction. It's been a fun and interesting challenge. Last week he sent me a couple of articles that highlighted aspects of forced feminization, relinquishing control and obedience. We had some brief chat back and forth about what all that that would look like to him - he repeated things he had previously said about liking the idea of having little to no control, not having to think about succeeding, especially failing and being fully in a bodily experience rather than a mental one. As we were swapping articles he pointed out the Kept For Her lock up dice game calculator, I asked if this is something he'd like to try (yes), I told him I would draft up the rules and we would begin this weekend.

The dice roll system will determine how long Mr. Maus would be locked in chastity (he has a CB2K). Our rules are very simple.
  • We use 6 side dice.
  • We roll one die to determine the number of dice to roll. 
  • We roll one die again to determine the number of rolls. 
  • A coin toss to determine if we use an average of the rolls or high roll. 
All of this will determine the number of days he will be locked without orgasm.
  • I put this date on our shared google calendar with set reminders. 
  • I will take him out to tease when we see each other (as per our once a week schedule) but will lock him back up without orgasm. 
  • If we have opportunities to see each other more often, I may decide to tease him at those times. 
  • On tease days he must give me an orgasm before I will tease him. 
  • Punishment for not giving me an orgasm is that I will not tease him on designated tease days. 
  • If he has an accidental emission during teasing he will begin the previously determined locked period (by the last dice roll) again, thereby extending his release date. 
  • On designated day of orgasmic release I will allow him an orgasm only after he has given me at least one BIG orgasm. 
  • If he does not give me an orgasm, he will be locked without release/orgasm. A new dice roll will determine his new release date. 
  • Before we part, he will be re-locked thus beginning his locked period as determined by the dice roll. 
  • If he has an accidental emission independently he must report to me and his release date will be extended by the previously determined locked period (by the last dice roll). 
  • No masturbation of any kind is allowable. 
This weekend Mr. Maus rolled an eight. He's getting off easy!

When I asked him about promoting the dice game to me, he said he liked the randomness and unpredictability of it. The longest he'd been locked is eight days and during that time he managed to masturbate (he just told me this). As a result of learning this information I wrote in some consequences. Using six sided dice the highest possible number of days locked is 36, which to me sounds like nothing considering there is weekly teasing in the program, but it makes him shudder with concern, which just makes me laugh. I'm not a cruel person I swear, but I reserve the right to add in eight or ten sided die - and will likely do so as a consequence of failure to comply with one of the rules.

I'm still learning about tease and denial, milking, ruined orgasms and that kind of play, as I am more familiar with pain, bondage and forced orgasm kind of play. Mr. Maus drives me cra-cra I can't keep my hands off of him and I'm hornier for him than I've ever been in my life, teasing him will be a delight.

Learning how to cooperate on this has been a fun mental challenge for me. Although he has been topping from the bottom pretty effectively, I think I finally have a handle on this and will put a stop to that nonsense ;-) For the most part this is starting to look a little like a Female Led (sexual) Relationship, which I'm mostly okay with. I say mostly because we don't live together and I don't have the the opportunity to run a tight ship. This blog is intended to share my thoughts on learning to engage with male chastity. To be perfectly honest I'm glad we have begun our relationship on these terms. It seems to convey a level of trust an honor that I thoroughly appreciate.